Initially when starting this blog, I wanted to use it as a tool to help raise awareness and money for the mission trips that I know God has called me too, but somewhere along the way I found that posting (even if it is not an everyday thing) can be therapeutic. Perhaps it is simply my way of letting things go, or working through them without having to call up a girlfriend and vent or falling on my face in tears. This is an outlet for me, so I intend to use it to the fullness of its ability. -- Pretend that you just saw a picture of me with a though bubble over my head with that last comment. Imagination people!
Have you ever heard of a "Mommy Crush"? Me either. I believe I just invented it. So here's a little back story- my momma (Paula- and not Deen, although that would have been legit!) never was around. I mean, she was all around, just never around me. I'm pretty sure I have 6 or 7 siblings out there I have no relationship with, and not for lack of trying on my part. You know when you are watching TV (there I go referencing that black box again) and you see the therapist always blaming peoples problems on things from their childhood? Well, if we were gonna say I had issues, we would call them mommy issues. It is for this reason that I strongly believe I get "Mommy Crushes".
A mommy crush would be similar to girls getting girl crushes, or guys getting guy crushes. Same general idea-- except totally different. While I have a girl crush on Zooey Deschanel, I have a mommy crush on my Arkansas History professor. Its like I just want to grow up to be her so bad! She's super funny, and totally smart-not to mention a great teacher. I mean, I'm totally enjoying this class. Now, before I was introduced to this semester I had a HUGE mommy crush on Sally Fields.. and I still do. No shame in admitting that one. I got completely sucked into watching Brothers & Sisters and after 2 weeks I had completed the series, season one through season five. That is A LOT of couch time. I will admit that I want to be Nora Walker so very badly, just a christian version of her.
This past weekend I learned something about myself. Well, I already knew it but wouldn't fully admit it. I am an insecure person in some areas of my life. While most people get insecure about their looks (don't worry- I get that was too) I have found that even though I preached this big message about God, I was still insecure about the plan I know He has for me. I wouldn't fully walk in the knowingness that He has placed in me.
Things I Know, and now proclaim to walk in:
-I am called to a higher plan than I ever thought possible.
-God will use me to speak to large numbers of people throughout my lifetime.
-My life will be a witness to many.
-My feet will travel to many far away places to spread His message.
-I am going to be persecuted for my beliefs.
I also know this:
-My husband will be a strong Christian leader.
-My husband will guide our family in the ways of the Lord.
-My family will be an example to those around us.
I do not know:
-Who my husband is.
-Where we will live.
-Where we will work.
Its crazy to say I know all this about my husband, yet I have no idea who he is, right? Wrong. I know the desires God has placed in my heart, and I know that he gives us the desires of our hearts. I also know people tend to take that scripture out of context, which is why I pray that my desires would only be the desires of Him and what He desires for me. To put it in kindergarten form; God desires certain things for me, I pray He fills my heart with those desires, He then fulfills said desires.
Lets talk about these desires for a minute. I have had two situations in the past few months involving men and my desires to be with them. When I noticed the "crush" forming on these men (both at different times) I started praying that God would either prepare these men to be the husband He called them to be for me, or He would remove them from my life. One was a neighbor, he's moving this month. The other was a co-worker, he put in his two week notice last week. Talk about the power of prayer! So I'm still here praying for the desires of the Lord to fill my heart. And for the husband.
I know that pride will be something the Devil attempts to use as my stumbling block. I rebuke that now in the name of Jesus from this moment forward.
I'm not 100% certain how I went from mommy crushes to God's plan for my life, but here we sit. Lets sit together again real soon.
-Kris
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