This is where the healing begins...

Initially when starting this blog, I wanted to use it as a tool to help raise awareness and money for the mission trips that I know God has called me too, but somewhere along the way I found that posting (even if it is not an everyday thing) can be therapeutic. Perhaps it is simply my way of letting things go, or working through them without having to call up a girlfriend and vent or falling on my face in tears. This is an outlet for me, so I intend to use it to the fullness of its ability. -- Pretend that you just saw a picture of me with a though bubble over my head with that last comment. Imagination people!


Have you ever heard of a "Mommy Crush"? Me either. I believe I just invented it. So here's a little back story- my momma (Paula- and not Deen, although that would have been legit!) never was around. I mean, she was all around, just never around me. I'm pretty sure I have 6 or 7 siblings out there I have no relationship with, and not for lack of trying on my part. You know when you are watching TV (there I go referencing that black box again) and you see the therapist always blaming peoples problems on things from their childhood? Well, if we were gonna say I had issues, we would call them mommy issues. It is for this reason that I strongly believe I get "Mommy Crushes". 


A mommy crush would be similar to girls getting girl crushes, or guys getting guy crushes. Same general idea-- except totally different. While I have a girl crush on Zooey Deschanel, I have a mommy crush on my Arkansas History professor.  Its like I just want to grow up to be her so bad! She's super funny, and totally smart-not to mention a great teacher. I mean, I'm totally enjoying this class. Now, before I was introduced to this semester I had a HUGE mommy crush on Sally Fields.. and I still do. No shame in admitting that one. I got completely sucked into watching Brothers & Sisters and after 2 weeks I had completed the series, season one through season five. That is A LOT of couch time. I will admit that I want to be Nora Walker so very badly, just a christian version of her. 


This past weekend I learned something about myself. Well, I already knew it but wouldn't fully admit it. I am an insecure person in some areas of my life. While most people get insecure about their looks (don't worry- I get that was too) I have found that even though I preached this big message about God, I was still insecure about the plan I know He has for me. I wouldn't fully walk in the knowingness that He has placed in me. 


Things I Know, and now proclaim to walk in:


-I am called to a higher plan than I ever thought possible. 
-God will use me to speak to large numbers of people throughout my lifetime. 
-My life will be a witness to many.  
-My feet will travel to many far away places to spread His message.
-I am going to be persecuted for my beliefs. 


I also know this:


-My husband will be a strong Christian leader.
-My husband will guide our family in the ways of the Lord.
-My family will be an example to those around us. 

I do not know:

-Who my husband is.
-Where we will live.
-Where we will work. 

Its crazy to say I know all this about my husband, yet I have no idea who he is, right? Wrong. I know the desires God has placed in my heart, and I know that he gives us the desires of our hearts. I also know people tend to take that scripture out of context, which is why I pray that my desires would only be the desires of Him and what He desires for me. To put it in kindergarten form; God desires certain things for me, I pray He fills my heart with those desires, He then fulfills said desires. 


Lets talk about these desires for a minute. I have had two situations in the past few months involving men and my desires to be with them. When I noticed the "crush" forming on these men (both at different times) I started praying that God would either prepare these men to be the husband He called them to be for me, or He would remove them from my life. One was a neighbor, he's moving this month. The other was a co-worker, he put in his two week notice last week. Talk about the power of prayer! So I'm still here praying for the desires of the Lord to fill my heart. And for the husband.
 
I know that pride will be something the Devil attempts to use as my stumbling block. I rebuke that now in the name of Jesus from this moment forward. 

I'm not 100% certain how I went from mommy crushes to God's plan for my life, but here we sit.  Lets sit together again real soon.


-Kris

 

Put the pen to the paper.

Here is the letter previously mentioned. YES, that is my real address at the bottom. No stalkers, please. I do have a guard fish, yo. His name is Lewis not Yo, just in case there was any confusion. He is red. Redheads are my favorite. 

                                                           Happy Reading!!

Dear family and friends, 

I want to thank you for your unrelenting prayer and support as I have continued on my educational journey. As you may know I moved to Conway AR to attend UCA this past august. There is no doubt in my mind that God orchestrated that move long before I ever anticipated it. Since being here I’ve gotten seriously involved in the college program, Elevation, through New Life Church. I have had the opportunity to connect with a large group of college age individuals who are so hungry for Gods presence and plan for their lives. I am encouraged daily by the way these people live their lives, and in the 6 months I’ve been here I have grown so much closer to God. I am endlessly in a constant state of prayer seeking Gods guidance. 

This summer I have the chance to go on three different mission trips to extend Gods love and grace to His people all over the world. There will be teams going to Haiti, Rwanda, and another trip doing intercity missions in the southern states. I can see God already starting to move in the people He has surround me with, and in myself. From the moment I first heard about the intercity missions I felt lead to look into it more. The trip will start in Conway and go to Memphis TN, then to Atlanta GA, on to Birmingham AL, and finally to New Orleans LA. On each stop we will be partnered with other churches to help their community and serve Gods people. I’ve always had the heart for a road trip, so there is no surprise that I feel God leading me in this direction. As for the other trips, I know many good people who are being lead in both directions, but I myself feel God really speaking to me about Haiti. God sometimes will ask us to step out of our comfort zone so we allow Him to be in full control, and I believe that is what He is doing with me here. The Mission of Hope organization is based in Haiti and stateside. Our group will work along with their people to help the Haitians rebuild parts of their community and share the love of Christ. You can learn more about the Mission of Hope on their website, www.mohhaiti.org. 

I realize that all things are possible through the power of prayer. I am asking all of you to please pray for me as I prepare to travel to the cities state side, to Haiti, and as I continue to make decisions in my walk with our Savior. I will have to raise 2,600 dollars for traveling expenses. If any of you have a desire to help me with the funding of these trips, I would be so thankful. 

Please feel free to pass all of this information along to friends as the Holy Spirit leads you. Any and all financial support is greatly appreciated, but like I’ve already mentioned – your prayers are of even greater value through this next chapter of my life. I cannot thank you enough for the support you will send my way, just as you have supported me all these years. I love you all. 

Kris Kirkpatrick
“Every time I think of you, I give thanks to my God.” Philippians 1:3 NLT

Please send any funds to:
2270 Meadowlake Rd APT 710
Conway AR, 72032

Please make all checks payable to New Life Church. My name cannot be anywhere on the check. You will also be able to use this as a tax deduction.

The Good Stuff

Do you ever sit and listen to what is going on around you? Right now I can hear the dryer attempting to not shrink my favorite pair of yoga pants. If I listen really closely I can hear my heart beating kind of loudly. Its doing that because I know I just got a big shout from heaven. Tonight it sounded something like this "Kris, ALL is ok! I love you and I promise to wrap you in my loving arms... Now go to bed and stop dwelling on the things of the past."

I often hear people say you have to be still and quiet to hear the Lord. While I find that to be very true, I also find that sometimes (maybe more so when I'm being stubborn) God is shouting at me to get my attention. It's like if your driving and you see a big ol' wreck compared to a yield sign. You know the yield sign is saying "slow down, proceed with caution" but the wreck is screaming at you "STOP!" Yes, I've had a few of those moments with God lately.

I'm not going to disclose much on that today though, I would rather talk about the rainbows and fairy tales. Isn't that what people want to hear the most about anyway, the "good stuff"? 

Let's do talk about the good stuff, shall we? 

To me, the good stuff is knowing that no matter how foolish I am at times, the Lord will ALWAYS be with me. (“...Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.” Hebrews 13:5). I love knowing that when I cannot carry on, God is there to give me strength. ("...But those who trust in the Lord will find new strength." Isaiah 40:31). You know what I love the most? God is a total planner. I am quiet the list maker, really I am. I make list about the list sometimes. I can get so caught up in my plan that I get distracted, especially if something goes wrong. It is so wonderful to know that I no longer have to worry about my plans. ("For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11) Wow. I can promise you one thing, dear reader; God's plan is so much greater than my own. I know that for a fact, because the plan I was living not to long ago left me in such a mess I couldn't even think straight. Now I am ever so gracefully walking in God's plan (I'm not perfect, trust me. I trip up a lot--But that's where His mercy comes in). 

Mercy. We all can use an extra dose of that now an then. 

Now, last time I got on this thing I mention that I had to raise 2,600 dollars... I just didn't tell you what it is for, correct? Here are the details: One broke college kid, two amazing opportunities to serve on some awesome mission teams, and a God with the ability to completely provide. 

I will post the letter I sent to all my family and friends, I also encourage you to send it to all your peeps too. I can sure use the help getting the word out.

Here is where it stops being about my plan (once again) and it becomes solely about His, because if God truly wants me in these places, I know He will provide the support. I'm just taking the first step and asking for it.

PS. The first deposit is due in less that 24 hours. I just started trying to raise support a week ago.

PSS. I have the exact amount of money for the first deposit. 

                                           God IS good!

PSSS. I don't know what PS stands for.  Oh look, now it looks Like I forgot to put a letter in a cuss word. Snap. 

Oops I did it again...

                                                    BLANK SCREEN!!! 

That's what I'm currently looking at. It's a little intimidating. I have to fill all this space so that you might not get too bored while reading along, which could result in you coming back and reading this ol thing yet again on another day, now that is a lot of pressure!! 

Lets start with this:

"This blog was inspired by a true story, all the facts are real but the names have been altered to protect the identity of all parties involved."-- Did you read that in your Morgan Freeman narrator voice? You were supposed to, so go back and start all over. . . . . Ok, now that you've caught up with the rest of us, let's begin.

Picture it, Sicily, 1912. A beautiful young peasant girl with clear olive skin meets an exciting but penniless Spanish artist. There's an instant attraction. They laugh, they sing...That peasant girl was me, and the artist--we will just call him JJ. Now of course this was not in 1912 nor did it take place in Sicily, but I like to think I was beautiful and I was young. As for the penniless artist? He was actually a truck driver with money in the bank. I just couldn't resist bringing a little of the Golden Girls into the mix. (You can tell me now, I watched too much TV as a kid). Fast forward, summer of 2010. I think life is great, I'm just living the dream. Decent job, great friends, no bills, and a boy who is planning a future with me. Well, if only I could see my life 9 months later. You think I'm talking about a kid now, don't you? Well dear reader, I'm not.. but only because the grace of God was in that particular situation. I won't go into details just in case my daddy ever decides to read this, but you can put 2 and 2 together. Anyway, I don't have special "look into the future" glasses, and even if I did, I imagine that I would have still chosen to live my life and date the boy and have the friends I did. I loved them all more than anything in the world.That should have been clue number one.

Fast Forward again, spring 2011.

For one reason or another; no friends, no job, no boyfriend. 

Gosh this just got all kinds of depressing, no? Sometimes when that happens I just start singing, out loud. You should try it. Start with "pocket full of sunshine", and if your really down, go back to the scene in Easy A with the cute little card and the repetitive singing of said song. "I've got a pocket, I've got a pocket, I've got, I've got, I've got a pocket full of sunshine". Ok, now that we all have had a little pick me up, lets continue on with the story.

So I'm quiet literally flat on the floor. Life decisions placed me there. When things started heading south with the boy, I started heading east--to the bar. Then when all things went crazy with the friends, I lost myself in a sea of drunken men, [I found most of them at said bar]. As for the job, the only real thing I had holding me together, somewhere along the way my boss decided they were "going a different direction". Their new direction left me looking in the classifieds. So it's the beginning of summer by now and I have no idea how I will be spending it. Some how (I know how, but I don't want to spoil the surprise) I ended up hanging with this group of "church people". I mean if you're desperate and that's all there is, you just have to go with the flow. Anyway, I'm with all these people that praise Jesus all the time and I know that when I was a kid I was into all that, but I have grown up now and my life is so much better off without all that crap. Oh wait, it's not so great now, is it? I have nothing. Like I literally have nothing left but the car I'm driving. Oh, I forgot to mention that all 4 of my brand new tires got slashed at the bar. So I almost don't even have a car. Well hows that for CRAP.

Yea, maybe I should give this church thing a real try. So I did. I ended up at some summer retreat for high school and college age kids. As I was walking in the door on the first night, I received a phone call saying one of those old friends (people I hadn't talked to in 5 months) wanted to contact me. Wow was I livid. Almost ruined my mood for the whole night. ALMOST. Oh, here is the part where I start telling you how great God is and how amazing it was to walk into that building and be completely surrounded by His presence. And here is the part where half of you roll your eyes (the other half of you that are saying Amen, keep it down a little--don't want to scare off all my not so sure readers). Yes, I walked into that building a beat down frazzled person without a plan for the future, without any desire to really carry on in any way of living. I had absolutely nothing. The small amount of family I had was very distant, and my rock-My grandmother, her health was in a place that I was sure she would never recover from. So I had nothing. 

The band starts playing and the girl singing says "Now this is a new song, so yall just sing along and take it all in". And boy did I. From the moment the keys started and the singer opened her mouth all I heard was the words. As I'm telling you all about this now, its like I can see myself back there, in that place. The broken girl that I was. It is so wonderful to know that I am no longer that girl.

Today I am a woman of God. A person with a purpose. I am a daughter of the King. I was beautifully broken. God healed and forgave me. I am His Orphan Saint.

 Maybe some of you reading this are a little tired of the religion talk now.. and I get that, trust me I get that. I was that person. And honestly I can still be that person at times. You know when you hear people talking about how great God is and how amazing church is, then they turn around and treat you worse than anyone ever has. Yea, those people really irk my nerves. I vow here and today to never be one of those people. And with the power of God, I can keep that vow. I promise you, I'm not going to be all preachy all the time, and for those of you that are my friends and do not live this faith filled life, you know that I won't force anything upon you. But I also promise you I will not water down the greatness of my God. He does love each and every one of you.

As for the rest of the story; I'm not sure where to begin. It all started that day, July 12th 2011. Since then so much in my life has changed. I still face every day challenges. While I have made a commitment to serve God, I still fight the flesh daily, and sometimes the devil does get the best of me. I can assure you though, I'm much happier now than I ever was before. 

Oh, and just in case you were wondering about those friends and that boy-- The friends are no longer enemies of mine. God healed that situation too. Maybe I will share all those details with you one day. As for the boy, he's married now... which just proves he was never the man God intended for me, because if he was he wouldn't be married to someone else. 

WOW. things got a little deep today, huh? Yea.. well you just jumped into the kiddie pool, wait till you hit the diving board. There's a lot of crazy up in this head. Still to come on days ahead: reasons you don't wait until the last minute to start homework; how you manage to keep friends that live different lifestyles than you; why it was not nor ever will be acceptable to wear a fanny pack; oh... and you know, just all the other random things that pop into my wee little mind. 

I've gotta tell you all about how I have to come up with 2600 bucks in just a few months too... but that's a story for another day (just another cliff hanger to make you want to come back for more)

Take the rest of this journey with me, wont you?
                

Oh my God Becky, Look at her blog

Well well well, here it was an hour into my first message and I somehow deleted the whole thing before hitting save! Go figure. It was oh so witty. How discouraging. Alas, I shall try, try again.

See the deal is, I decided to give up social networking (really, just facebook) for New Years. Sometimes you just need a break, you know? We all know that now days its super hard to get anything done with out the use of the internet or the ability to creep on people without their knowing. So here is your chance world, creep away! (Just no peeking in my bedroom windows, ok?)

Now this is a story all about how my life got flipped-turned upside down and I liked to take a minute just sit right there and I'll tell you how I became.. WAIT! wrong words [song?] Perhaps. Although this is my story, and my life really did get turned upside down, an I am going to tell you all about it while you sit right there. I strongly advise you be sitting at least. Reading while walking (or for you brave souls, running!) can cause serious injury, injury for which I cannot be held responsible. You have been warned, now carry on you treadmill junkies!

My name is up for debate, but I go by Kris Kirk for the most part, although for legal purposes its Princess Consuela Banana Hammock. Actually, its more like Kristina Kirkpatrick, but in all seriousness ALL you need to remember is the Kris part. Deal? Deal. For those of you that totally missed the Friends reference, I apologize that the 90's were so bad for you that you missed the best sitcom since I Love Lucy!

So a year ago had you stumbled upon thoughts from me, you would have found them to be slightly darker. Oh who are we kidding, a lot darker. Tamed (or encouraged?) by alcohol. The clothes would have be far to scandalous and the language, oh the language. Lets just say its not something you would have wanted to read with your momma, or the preacher. But you can all three sit down together and enjoy my delightful, sometimes useless, thought process now. Maybe you should grab a hot cup of coffee and a blanket, that's always comforting. So now you are wondering how did I go from cursing like a sailor, dressing like a whore, and drinking like a fish to a girl you'd be proud to take home to meet the family?

Its real simple you see, I was healed. Totally transformed. "Beautifully Broken", some might say. You want to know more now, don't you? I will be glad to share it all with you... 

                                                                                                                         Tomorrow.

P.S. Its a great story... spread the word about the site and I will fill you all in on the details together!