Heaven on Earth

You know how you get a massage and there's that one spot on your back that needs a little more work than the rest, or that shoulder that gets a little out of alignment? You know, sometimes it just takes a different kind of attention or effort to get that spot back to "just right"? 

The hand will receive and respond very differently than the ear, although they both may get the same message. 

That's much like the body of Christ.

I know I thrive on a lively worship service, one where I may stand on my feet and lift my hands. Just as I worship my most comfortably in this way, my great grandmother prefers a church that sings old hymns and only stand when the ushers are coming to pick up the offering. 

You know what I've discovered? 

That it's ok. 

It is ok that people worship differently, because we all serve a God who wants and desires our worship. If that worship comes from the inner most place of reverence to Him and we are seeking Him through it, what does it matter if we are standing, siting, or kneeling before Him? 

This realization, the one that says worship for everyone doesn't always have to look like my personal worship, this is something God first started showing me soon after I fully committed to living a life that that honors Him. 

I love to see Him continue to show me this as I embrace cultures across the world or just a different type of church right here at home. 

My flesh can be quick to say "this is not my thing. I do not worship my God like this." But how quick the Holy Spirit is there to remind me that I can choose to worship Him anywhere, any time. 

It is a choice I make everyday. 

Will I walk out this life, worshiping The Lord in all I do, or just when I enter a comfortable environment? Will I press into Him in those moments of discomfort, to find He is the ultimate comfort? 

Will I ask Him for grace as I am finding myself filled with a righteous anger when someone suggest America is "the best place on earth", limiting Gods ability to claim other people groups or nations as His own?

I love America. I really do. 

Lately God has shown me just how much my love of this country or this flag has limited my ability to see His plan for me beyond these borders. 

I do not want my vision for myself or my idea of what this life should look like to place barriers between me and the plan God has for me. 

I am thankful for mornings that remind me of who He is, and just how vast His abilities are. The Lord loves to hear His people call upon Him. He desires us to do so in a selfless way, a way that truly gives Him all of the Glory. 

The best part? It is okay if it looks like this...

Or this...

and this... 

I'm sure heaven will be a great mixture of it all, how amazing is it we get a tiny little glimps right here on earth? 

Take a little rest

It all started here... 

Maybe not actually here-on exit 83, but with that word-Friendship. 

What do you think of when you hear that word? Friendship. 

Hopefully it is something strong, something unshakable, something that withstands the test of time and distance. Everyone deserves friends in their lives like that. I've recently gotten just a tiny taste of the whole time and distance thing. While I may not be a big fan of it, I am a HUGE fan of the relationships built around it. 

Kelsey and I decided not too long after the Bentz left Conway that we would drive down to San Antonio for the holiday weekend. I realize it has only been two weeks since they left, I feel no shame. 

Friday at noon we packed up shop and hit the road. 

Cozy quilt, check. Cute pup, check. Chauffeur, check. Alliteration, check. 

The drive wasn't too bad. Until we got on the homestretch at least. Then it was standstill for almost two hours! (Future travelers to San An-be ware!) 

Just warning you-bring your road trip faves-be that music or snacks, or games-this was the hard part! 

I've know this for awhile now, but through this last day or two I've been shown again-Kelsey's one of those people you just need in your life. She's a person who will get fired up over mad crazy traffic like never before, then turn around and cry because of the deep cowboy values at a rodeo. Seriously, I hope everyone has a Kelsey in their life.

Just not mine, I get too protective. 

Anyway, Mom knew we were coming (because I am awful at surprises and had to tell someone) but the kids had no idea! Patio chats until 1am, then off to settle in for the night. 

Now we all know I'm not an early riser-but even not getting to sleep until nearly 2, I was up before the kids! 

It was super cute seeing their reaction coming down the stairs during the wee hours of the morning only to discover Kelsey and I in their new fancy living room. Super cute, I say. 

I won't apologize for this picture Kels, it's adorable. 

After morning funzies of breakfast on the porch and hair parties with dolls and little sisters, it was off to the Alamo!! 

And then the super amazing river walk... 

And boat rides... 

And lunch on the patio of some restaurant named after a dog that nearly refused us a table. Nearly. 

And then it was back home. Not for good though, just to "take a little rest". I've learned, that's how northerners (mine at least) say they're going to take a nap. Precious. 

Selah and I opted for a nap in the hammock. But of course, it started to rain. 

Didn't stop us. 

#CantStopWontStop 

And then the sun came out. 

And our hammock grew in numbers. 

We break that ENO weight limit every time. Thank you Jesus for keeping us between the trees, or porch collums. 

For the night, it was off to the rodeo! As a country girl, one who grew up on horseback like myself, this was like going home. Seriously, even the smell of the animals. Pure joy. 

Especially when half of your siblings are chasing said animals around the arena. 

There truly is nothing like a good ol' rodeo. For realz. 

Even in the pouring down rain. Again. 

But, like the rest of our day, the showers stopped soon after they got started. 

And there's this gem. 

Most everyone's completely over the family photo op by the end of the day. 

Not these two good lookin ladies though, not at all. 

Here's to the first of many first in the great big state of Texas! 

Mother's Day 2014

(a recap)

My morning really started off the night before, if that's possible. I knew my family was coming for breakfast bright and early. I also know I'm not one to wake up early on my own freewill. So, I "set the crockpot and forgot" about it!

Wishful Thinking 

I laid all of the morning essentials out that could withstand not being in the fridge, then I went to bed.

(yes, you see the Christmas Story leg lamp and a gnome in my kitchen. No other reason than because I'm awesome)

I got up about 10 minutes later because I realized I was never going to be able to fall asleep.

I was anxious. Surprises and heartfelt goodbyes were on the way.

I cleaned house, I tried to watch TV, I played with my dog, I did not fold the laundry that was waiting on me, I checked the crockpot every five minutes. 

Finally, I forced myself to sleep around 3am. After-all, my morning wake up call was ringing in at 5:30am.

Two hours of restless sleep later, I was up before the alarm. I checked the crockpot again. I got all of the goodies laid out from the fridge. I made my cup of coffee. I walked the dog. and I waited. and waited. For a family that is never late, this was their morning! It is only to be expected though, realizing they had to pack all of the last minute items away and prepare for the 10+ hour drive across Texas.

I held my own together, until I couldn't anymore. My lovely roommate emerged from her room just in time to see me start freaking out. I opened the blinds, I peaked outside. I told her "I'm giving them ten more minutes, then I'm calling!". I tried to understand what this feeling was I was experiencing.

Frustration? Hurt? Intimidated? Lonely? Fearful?

Where do these emotions come from, I wondered?

The Holy Spirit was very quick to whisper "Not from me." Recognizing in that moment who was trying to come into my house (the enemy), I quickly started my silent prayers. Literally seconds later, I received the text "On our way!". And with a sigh of relief, I took the first sip of my coffee with enjoyment.

Breakfast was good, or so I heard. I couldn't eat a thing. I am like a kid in a candy store when I know I've planned something big for someone, almost always wrecking the surprise! I had been sitting on this surprise for weeks too, so that just made the build up that much more.

Chloe and Esther had spent the night just a few days prior and painted mom a surprise of their very own. They were just about as anxious as me! They are so cute.

Chloe gets extra points for her creativity.

Notice it says "Cats Stink"? I didn't even prompt that. Golden. (For those of you who don't know, it's an ongoing battle as to which is better, cats or dogs. Obviously, I'm in the right side of the fence being a dog person)

Now for the big surprise. This is one that has been in the works for months. You see, for Christmas all the kids and I came up with this plan to write letters of thankfulness and place them in a book. We had it printed up with pictures of each of us too (we just know mom is the sentimental type).

We knew we had to try and top that for Mother's Day.

We started this plan of "capture every moment", and we were well on our way. Hundreds of videos later (just a side note, if your kids are trying to record you - or your parents or friends - let them. You never know what may be in store) and a few million attempts on my part at putting this thing together, we had something good. Something great actually. The songs were about as perfect as you can get, and we did our best to find the right video for each moment.

Time to share with Mom.

The next 8 minutes were priceless. Watching each passing clip and the expression of all the viewers, it was well worth every labored hour.

It was then time to say our goodbys, or rather our "see you laters". And with that, my Bentz Bunch was on their way to Texas!

*Remember, this is only temporary.*

Here's our special Mother's days surprise, I hope you all enjoy it as much as we did!


Bents Family Mother's Day Video 

Click there ^^^^^^ :) 

Homesick

I think it's true what they say, Home is Where the Heart Is. 

I've always told people I have a wandering gypsy soul. That is more true now, than ever before. My heart is actually in a few different places, which means home is as well. 

I left a HUGE piece of my heart back in an orphanage in Chennai, India last October.  Home. 

Those beautiful wonderful red-headed (well, mostly) kids have a really really big chunk of my heart too. Home. 

How about that barn on Lawson road? Home. 

The place where I first encountered a real relationship with My Jesus? Home. 

Conway has been so much for me. It helped me discover so much of Gods plans for my future, and still is.

I have been missing my Indian home something fierce lately, which resulted in me ending up in the Indian food section of my local grocery store, at one am. 

Salwar Kameeze and all. Except I was showing my ankles.... And that's not supposed to happen. 

How is it possible to be homesick for a place you've yet to go? Maybe it's because a "home" is truly only made up of the people in it. 

It really is where your heart is.

I know as time goes on, I will find my home within many new faces and places.

I pray I never get too comfortable in one place for too long or that I become so fixated on a particular house that I limit Gods ability to use me wherever He desires.  

Let this life of mine be used to Glorify Him, in all I do. 

Including finishing school... Now that is a big prayer.

Secret Flower Fairies

What are some of your best memories made of? To me, the spontanious ones always come to mind. 

Sunday morning my roommate had a special "surprise" planned for me. After the Bentz left, she told me to get in the car and we were on our way. As we started driving, I told her I knew where were were going. She insisted I didn't, but lo an behold when we pulled up it was a place I've been to several times here in Conway. It is a good place though. A quiet little trail that over looks part of the Arkansas river. There's even a section that people have taken to draw all over, displaying an American flag piece. 

Yes, I like this place.

After we got our laughs out about the whole surprise not really being a surprise, she gave me the pep talk. The one that says everything happens for a reason and Gods timing is always perfect, even if we don't quiet understand it. 

She's right. I know she is. 

We left and headed back for home. Along the way, we passed a field (if you can call it that) of wild flowers. 

What happened next was completely unplanned and totally needed. 

Somehwere in the five second span of time, we decided to stop and pick some. 

Very quickly, our flower collection grew from a small bunch to an overflowing abundance. Roots and all. 

Yes, I'm sporting my cry face and robe and slippers- no judging. 

The car was packed. 

We headed for home. 

Our kitchen quickly became a backyard florist. 

But the coolest part was seeing this unruly mess turn into something beautiful.

All it needed was a little attention, somewhere to flourish, and some TLC.

It's funny how much I can relate to those flowers. In the last few days I feel as if everything around me is being uprooted.  I've been pulled in so many directions. 

But if I can press into the one who is grooming me, the result will be worth it. 

Today I was sitting across the table today from my friend Kelsey, who was telling me of another job interview she's landed in Dallas. I had to keep reminding myself that God has a purpose for me still being here in Conway. I may not know what that is just yet-but there is purpose in everything. There's a reason those I love are been sent out, just as there's a reason I'm here, having to stay. 

I'm now on the hunt to find my reason. To lean in deeper to that which God has before me. To discover more of who He is and what it is He wants from me. 

I read this thing on Pinterest today. It said, "the best way to make yourself feel better is to help someone else". 

After we finished the grooming of our flowers, we added notes that said "Happy Mothers Day" and secretly placed them on the doors of two neighbors, a single mom and an elderly lady. 

There really is no greater joy than that of serving those around you. 

Princesses and Pirate Ships

How can a person be completely exhausted and totally refreshed at the same time? 

This week, I am emotionally spent. 

My beloved Bentz family leaves for San Antonio Sunday morning, bright and early! They're saying something crazy like 6am. Lord, help me. Of course I plan on seeing them off, it is Mother's Day after all. 

We've known for awhile now they were leaving. We've also known when they were leaving. What I didn't know is how everything else would pan out. 

I just finished up my spring semester, but do to *ahem* complications, I'm taking a few classes over the summer so I can graduate in the fall. Praise The Lord, it is near! Because of these summer secessions and my changing work schedule and the added blessing of a summer babysitting job- I was unsure of exactly how much time I would have to breathe, let alone squeeze in precious moments with all of my kiddos before they took off.

It is so cool to watch as God just works things out, fulfilling your desires before you ever even ask. With my schedule as full as it is, this week I've had no obligations except to work, even then it was only 3 days and I was off by 1:30. 

That is a total Godsend. 

In the last week, I've watched as movers packed and loaded. 

I've played princesses and pirate ships in a sea of boxes. 

I've read short stories and papers. I've been badly beaten at games. I've held hands, hugged necks, and prayed prayers. I've snuggled little ones closely through the night as they're all piled in my bed. I've watched as one grew another year older. I've had heart to hearts. 

I've laughed. I've cried. I've even laughed so hard I've cried. I've played at the park and in a two story jungle gym of sorts. 

I've planned surprises with the help of little ones and I've gotten overly excited about it.

I've slept very little. Not even one nap! 

I've been loved. 

I've been reminded,

"it's only temporary". 

I think the most important thing I've done through all of this though, I've loved with my whole heart. I've let my walls come down and allowed myself to trust others to protect me. I've placed my faith in a God who knows my needs and met them in ways I've never imagined. 

Two days left. 

This journey is to be continued... 

Prayers of Expectancy

These past few weeks have been a whirl wind of emotions. Many ups and downs in various situations, but through it all I've been reminded of the love I'm surrounded by and how good the God I serve is.

I've learned there is power in praying with expectancy. An expectancy that God not only hears your prayers but will faithfully answer accordingly. 

A few weeks ago, April 16th to be exact, my dear grandmother had surgery on her brain to help prevent a massive stroke. During surgery there was a complication witch actually produced a stroke. 

Just that morning, as I sent grandma off to surgery, she held me close. We prayed. She told me that she was completely at pease and whatever happened was ok, because she knew her faith was in the God who created her. The God who has been so faithful to protect her and love her. 

As I sat in the consultation office with my family, listening to the doctor explain all that had happened during surgery and what this could mean, I could do nothing but pray. 

You see, my faith is in the same God that grandmother puts hers. 

A God I have seen first hand deliver people from the darkest of sins. A God who has healed people beyond medical help. A God who constantly provides. A God who sent a heard of wild animals to avenge the children He loves so very much in remote villages of India. A God who forgives time and time again. 

As I begin to soak in all the doctor was saying

"she could have little to no use of the left side of her body..." 

"She will have to be sedated for 24 hours to give the brain time to heal..."

"she should not, but may, have memory issues... "

"We won't know anything for quiet some time..."

I started praying to my God. The God who heals. I started asking Him to make her a case that gave Him the glory, a case doctors would be shocked by. A case that would reach those in our family who have yet to place their faith in Him. 

Let her be the miricale case. 

When we left that room, I rallied my prayer warriors. I sent text messages explaining the needs and what we directly needed to pray for. My family started to do the same. 

Within the hour, as grandma was being transported from surgery post op to the ICU, she woke up. 

The doctors didn't expect her to wake up only hours after major surgery completely on her own. 

The doctors did not expect her to have full function of her hands when they asked her to squeeze theirs.

The doctors did not expect her to have recognition of who they were right away. 

But she did. 

You see, the whole time the doctors were not expecting all of theses things, I as well as all the prayer warriors I know were praying with an expectancy. An expectancy of full recovery. An expectancy that God would receive the glory for what He was doing through her. 

This expectancy is faith. 

This faith in my God brought my grandmother from this 

To this

And this

Completely removed from all machines within 24 hours, remaining in the ICU because there were no open general rooms. 

Sent home one week and two days after surgery, when initially we were told it would be a minimum of 18 days. 

I saw God work in so many ways during our time in the hospital. I watched my family grow closer to each other. I watched my grandfather develop this softness about him. I watched my dad and his sister fight for their mother. I watched as spiritual gifts yet to be recognized were being used in the other grand kids. 

I watched as my family placed their faith in this magnificent, holy, wonderful God my grandmother and I both serve. 

I watched my grandmother recognize her place on this earth would not be the same as mine. I watched her give her blessing to another woman to care for me, to protect me like a mother would. 

I watched God work first hand. 

Now, grandma is home laughing and smiling and singing off key the way only she can. She is thankful for all of the prayers, she is thankful God allowed her story be one that helped shape the faith of people around her, even if they have yet to acknowledged it. 

She gives all the praise to God. We sing and tell of His never ending love.